Categories
Encouragement Laughter

A Confession

I recently found out that a friend whom I haven't seen in well over a year is a fan of my blog. I found this out because I was talking with her husband, and he said that she loves to read my blog. Then he said something that I'm still contemplating several days later. He said that his wife is really impressed by me . . . because I have three small kids AND I still manage to brush my hair. I don't know how she can be so certain that I brush my hair, since she never sees me, but she's right: I do, usually at least once a day.

I know, it's amazing, isn't it?

Categories
Funny Quotes Laughter

Wacky Things My Kids Have Said: #2

Samuel, age 4, commenting on his uncle's gift of a guitar pick to brother Kiyoshi, age 2:

"He gave him a pick for his nose."


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Other wacky things my kids have said.

Categories
Funny Quotes Laughter

Wacky Things My Kids Have Said: #1

Kiyoshi, age 2: I don’t want the wind to blow me away.

Samuel, age 4: No, it can’t, ’cause you’re not paper!

Other wacky things my kids have said:

#2

#3

#4

#5

#6

#7

#8

#9

#10


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Image courtesy of pakorn at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Categories
Funny Quotes Laughter

Things I Never Anticipated Saying Before I Became a Mother: #6

"Yucky! Yucky! Don't eat poop!"


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Other things I never anticipated saying.
 

Categories
Funny Quotes Laughter

Things I Never Anticipated Saying Before I Became a Mother: #5

"Sit down and eat your napkin!"


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Other things I never anticipated saying.

Categories
Funny Quotes Laughter

Things I Never Anticipated Saying Before I Became a Mother: #4

"No, mayonnaise doesn't have fiber."


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Other things I never anticipated saying.

Categories
Funny Quotes Laughter

Things I Never Anticipated Saying Before I Became a Mother: #3

"Can we get a dog?" my 4-year-old asked.

"Sorry, sweetie," I said. "Our landlady said we couldn't have a dog."

He was visibly downcast for a moment, then he brightened as another idea occurred to him. "How about an elephant?" he asked, eyes sparkling.

That's when I found myself saying:

"Elephants are too big to live in apartments."


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Other things I never anticipated saying.

Categories
Funny Quotes Laughter

Things I Never Anticipated Saying Before I Became a Mother: #2

"Don't drop things on the baby."


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Other things I never anticipated saying.

Categories
Laughter

Part-Time Referee

I've never been much of an athlete or sports fan, but I'm finding that as a full-time mom to boys, my job description includes "part-time referee." The games are many and varied, ranging from the expected sword fights, splash wars, and wrestling matches to imaginative games of David and Goliath, Lion and Lion Tamer, and Moses in the Basket, to downright bizarre games like Eat Your Brother, Bite the Baby, and Pee on Each Other (the latter in the bathtub, thankfully). As referee, it is my task to define fair play and enforce it. I make it pretty simple. Regardless of the game, there are only two rules: 1) be kind, and 2) don't hurt your brother. I suppose I could add: 3) don't hurl dense objects, 4) don't use the pictures on the wall for target practice, and 5) don't pretend that the bookshelves are Annapurna and you are mountaineers, but that's pretty complicated for a 4-year-old and a 2-year-old, don't you think?

I loathe yelling and make it a goal not to shout at my children, but often they make so much noise that they can't hear me unless I raise my voice at least nineteen times above its normal level. To avoid sharing my motherly admonitions with the rest of the apartment block, sometimes I'll wade into the fray to get the boys' attention without shouting. However, this strategy isn't practical when I'm cooking something whose recipe includes the words "stir constantly," or when I'm nursing the baby, or (and this is my favorite) when I'm holding the baby over the toilet because he needs to go poop! So in those instances I have two choices. I can temporarily abandon my referee responsibilities (which usually means abandoning my second child to the mercy of his older brother), or I can yell at the boys until they realize that Mommy is saying something and they'd better stop to listen. **sigh** I feel like I've been doing too much yelling lately.

The other day it occurred to me that a referee's whistle might come in handy.

I think I'll ask for one for Mother's Day.

************

What about you? What are you hoping for (or planning to give) on Mother's Day?


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Categories
Funny Quotes Laughter

Things I Never Anticipated Saying Before I Became a Mother: #1

Since becoming a mother, I have found myself saying things that, taken out of context, sound absurd or even shocking. Sometimes I stop and ask myself, "Did I really just say that??" And then I wonder if anyone overheard me and what they're thinking if they did. So I'm going to give you all a chance to listen in on my sometimes bizarre motherspeak. This is the first installment of Things I Never Anticipated Saying Before I Became a Mother:

"We don't lick the piano."

(I can't decide whether or not to include brief explanations or leave you to imagine the circumstances. What do you think?)


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Other things I never anticipated saying:

#2

#3

#4

#5

#6

#7